Should Men Be At Their Child’s Birth To Support Their Wives?

To say I was outraged to read Michel Odents article in the Guardian (link below) would be an understatement!

Please let me make it perfectly clear I am, and was, whilst a practicing midwife, an ardent supporter of Michel Odent’s. He has undoubtedly moved Childbirth practices on to benefit women’s wellbeing…and satisfaction, assisting them to ensure that the birth of their baby is undoubtedly the best day of their lives, as did Dr Grantly Dick-Read obstetrician and author of ‘Childbirth without Fear’

So let me qualify my outrage……Michel…may I ask what you have been doing for 9 months if you have not been educating, empowering and facilitating husbands/partners in supporting their wives???

Let me tell you about what I did last night …I was gathered with 5 couples for three hours, one of many weekly sessions, teaching them the art of hypnosis and it’s benefits for their baby’s birth….during these ‘classes’ I teach all, how the uterus works…the implication of anxiety and stress on your birthing body, what to do about it and how the fathers can support their loved ones……I believe knowledge is power and if you know what is happening you can embrace it and surrender to the automatic action of your labouring body.

So last night, along with many things we were discussing, was the importance of going to the loo regularly, to keep a women’s bladder empty and thus ‘out of the way’ for labour and birth….and of course along with this, came the need to remain hydrated and to drink diluted juice throughout labour….you tell me a marathon runner who has achieved their run dehydrated…not possible! So how would a woman be able to have the wonderful large uterine muscle work for several hours without hydration…ridiculous?

But then I do this slightly comical imitation of a birthing woman being asked by her loved one whether she would like a drink (while in labour or birth)…

Him – ‘Darling would you like a drink?’

Her – ‘Do I want a drink…I don’t know if I want a drink….when was the last time I had a drink…I have no idea… oh for goodness sake (irritation in her voice rising) I       ……….don’t know if I want a drink!’

And of course then I explain that a birthing women doesn’t have usual functioning cognition…she isn’t in her ‘thinking’ head…she is in a natural state of hypnosis…and the art is to surrender to that natural state…how can she problem solve and answer questions as well as birth??? So I recommend that all those doting partners never ask questions during labour and birth…’just offer her a drink at regular intervals by brushing the straw past her lips enabling her to take a sip’…she heard the advise her man was given …she knows the reasons…she will cooperate and be cared for in a way that will enhance her feelings of relaxation and wellbeing not increase them!!! And the same goes for keeping her bladder emptied at regular intervals…essential for the smooth running of labour. Actually a full bladder will dramatically reduce the frequency and effectiveness of uterine contractions, as the uterus in its ‘wisdom’ slows and stops as it feels the bladder as an obstruction. So that’s easy just every 1 ½ hours he will whisper (after a contraction…never speaking to her during a contraction)

‘Darling when you are ready, after the next contraction or so, just allow me to help you to the loo’

She was sitting next to him when I suggest this and I say to the women just allow him to be your thinking…you don’t need to… you can rely on him to do the things we discuss during our sessions!

So yes, a husbands anxiety will be contagious to a women…but with training…..he also can feel confident and peacefully respectful of the process of birthing their child…and he with his role of supporting her.

I always recommend that if a father feels himself wanting to say to his wife/partner…

‘Are you alright darling?’ to resist as what he is really saying is :

‘Darling can you reassure me that you are alright because I am feeling anxious!!’

And instead look to the midwife for the reassurance that he needs, because although his wife can and does reassure him if needed in other areas of their lives, this is one instance when she can’t…..it’s not rocket science!!!

As for sexual problems between them later on ….Yes I can see Michel Odents point…..it has been known….but again…just saying that if the mother needs sutures…don’t look…because if I am honest it looks the same once healed but… really it does look sore and okay… horrid… prior to stitching…so why look?

Then comes the story of my husband’s vasectomy!!! Once we finished our family, this was our chosen contraception…so after he asked all his friends who had had a vasectomy…all the ins and outs…repeated reassurance received, that his sex life would not plummet…he took the plunge!….Against medical advice he only took one week off, from his friendly five a side football game…and yes… you guessed it… he got a ball in the balls…first time ever!…(silly so and so!) so to say he was bruised and sore would be an understatement…But what I learnt…. and the point of the story is, that initially, once we recommenced our sex life, I found it really difficult to ‘let go’ because having seen the bruising, I was genuinely frightened that I would hurt him….and then I understood the men that were put off sex because they were frightened of hurting their women…no surprise really…so the moral of the story is don’t look and the majority of women will tell you that, having worried in advance about stitches, that after the initial couple of days it is no big deal…it all heals remarkably quickly!

And finally, there are some women and men who would rather not be together for the birth of their child and that is absolutely fine too, yes men do feel that they have to attend…what we need is an openness to different preferences and desires without judgement or criticism…and then we would truly be moving forwards!

I would like to include a letter that was sent to me from a couple whom I taught the art of birthing with hypnosis..

Lindsey and Mark’s story

“As a hypnotherapist myself, I was keen to use hypnosis for the birth of our first child. Diana’s course, which both my husband and I did together, helped us in several ways.

The key benefit for us was that it gave us a joint understanding of how we would approach the birth both practically and emotionally. The birth itself was a fantastic experience. It took me quite a long time to get breathing through the contractions right, and I realised that I needed to be in the right position for this to work for me; which happened to be on the loo!

What surprised me is how much the whole birthing was a joint experience with my husband. He guided me through the majority of my labour – helping keep me on track with my hypnosis and supporting me physically – I don’t think I have ever felt closer to him.

I would thoroughly recommend hypnosis for birth to anyone. It not only gives you a wonderful range of tools for your birthing experience but life afterwards too.

We now have a beautiful baby girl, who was delivered naturally, without any drugs, gas or air. She came into the world in just the way we wanted and what we learnt during Diana’s course played a huge part in that.”

You can read The Article About Michael Odent’s views Here

Related posts:

1. New Scientific Method May Significantly Enhance IVF Success Rates An Oxford-based team of doctors conducted a trial that found...

Tagged as: birth, hypnosis for birth, linkedin, Parenting, self-hypnosis, stress